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Safety in Fear

Photo by: Charley Hrobsky

"Safety in Fear" by Elizabeth Gartland illustrates life's complications and deepest inner thoughts.

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Can a person feel safest in the same place they feel most danger or fear? I suppose this question could be interpreted many different ways, but listen here.

My simple answer is yes. Now allow me to explain and even confess.

People feel safest in their own brain. They feel safe because only they know what they are thinking and only they can feel the pain.

It is a 100 percent guarantee of no one else finding out what is running at uncontrollable speeds through your mind. You can think anything and everything you want to and no one needs to know. You can leave it all behind.

It is safe to think what you want about who you want. Anything and everything is up for grabs. It’s a place free for expression and curiosity.

However, what happens when the thoughts start to consume you? What happens when you start to assume too? What happens when you start focusing on the negative thoughts, the dangerous thoughts, the stressful thoughts?

Your sanctuary can quickly feed your worry. Your safest place becomes your own personal hell, filled with fury.

You can’t even express your concerns or the thoughts in your head because you are so accustomed to keeping your thoughts in. Safety is forgotten, and it’s all about survival and fighting for a self-win.

Anxiety sinks in and you spend every waking hour attempting to be the perfect person you can never be. Anxiety creeps in and is the rust to your well-oiled machine allowing for no in-between.

Depression breaks down your faith and hope; only to replace it with nothing. You feel empty, desperate, scared, alone, hopeless, and worthless, disgusting.

Motivation is lost and you are left with nothing but the inability to pick yourself back up and carry on; the desperation has truly begun. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you could tell someone, anyone.

So you do. You start to share with anyone who will listen. You beg for an answer and pray to God just to listen. Hoping to feel like it will all be worth it in the end, wanting to be forgiven.

Shouting, crying, asking for a reason to not give it all up. You look back and smile at the memories of a safe place, a place where the monsters were on the outside and could be defeated, beaten up.

When you snap back to reality you realize the whole world is buzzing by and here you are, on the sidelines, trying to hold the insanity in, trying so hard to suppress the monsters without letting them kill you from within.

And just when you feel you’ve hit the lowest of the low, you feel this hand on your shoulder, lifting you up, guiding you real slow.

You feel this presence and somehow know it’s all going to be okay, you know that it all might just go away.

Take a deep breath and exhale the mess; pull your head up and be your best. For there is safety within danger and beauty within chaos.

Can you feel most secure in the same spot you feel the most fear? Why of course you can; that’s the mind my dear.

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Safety in Fear