It was hard to know what to expect going into high school. I heard plenty of different things from different people, and all of them seemed to contradict each other. Some would say that high school really was not all that stressful, that I did not need to worry myself. On the other hand, I would hear my older sister complaining about the essays that she had to write in one day, and how even the smartest kids in her class were failing because of a certain teacher. Being the organized, worrisome, and awkward person that I am, it was needless to say that I was afraid to walk through the school doors on the first day.

If I am going to be honest, this transition is probably the most dramatic and stressful one in my life so far. Just a month ago I had been sitting in my bedroom, eating Hot Pockets and binge watching seasons of The Office on Netflix, and now suddenly I am walking through hallways with kids that are two feet taller than me and have facial hair. If I did not have my 11th-grade sister to answer all of my “freshman questions” and give me advice, I cannot imagine the panic I would be in now.

I only recently realized this, but I am also more tired than I have ever been. It is not that I physically am not getting enough sleep; I am actually going to bed at 9 p.m. every night, to be exact. As soon as my head hits the pillow, I am out and sleeping like a baby. But there is plenty that I have to do, and it is a source of constant stress. My mind is always running (unlike during the summer) and it is almost a shock to my system to suddenly be doing so much after doing so little. I have a new school to map out in my mind, a seven-mod schedule, a whole new lifestyle. Show choir rehearsal is after school Mondays and Thursdays, and I have to remember to go to this dress fitting and get this money; Satellite is after school on Wednesdays, I need to talk to this person about a story and interview this person; Friday mornings before school I have math club, and that meet is on Monday next week. . .

All of this is running through my mind, and I am exhausted. Recently, I have not been in the mood to do anything that requires even a lick of energy. I am cancelling plans to go out with friends–whereas any time before this, I would have jumped right ahead to help with the planning. I am even sitting out of conversations at the lunch table, because I do not have the energy to interject my own opinions and raise my voice loud enough so the others can hear me.

It does not really help that the freshman just had the suicide screener, either. “Have you been withdrawing from friends lately?” Well. . . yes. The test said to answer the questions according to the past four weeks; but that includes all of the time that I have been at this new school. Then, as if I did not have enough to worry about, I am suddenly wondering if I am depressed.

I think that it really depends on the type of person. For the longest time, I have been an expert in worrying; I overthink everything, I am strangely sensitive, and I have high standards for myself. And it does not necessarily help that my family has a history of mental illness. So for a little while I wondered, “Am I just struggling, or is everyone else going through this same thing?”

I have found that how a person handles high school is unique to who they are. Of course, it was expected that I would be stressed, because that is the type of person I am. But there are other freshmen who have minimal difficulties with the new environment. “High school so far has been a blast,” said 9th grader Amanda Nickolai. “I like it a lot more than middle school, with new opportunities everywhere. As for stress levels? It kind of depends on the day, depending on whether or not my Advanced English has a lot going on or I have Act II rehearsals.” Bella Mullaly, also a freshman, seemed to share similar views. “Alright, so high school I’m actually really surprised with,” she said. “It’s very chill and all of my teachers are really nice.” However, I have also found that there are varying levels of stress. It is not possible to simply divide the freshmen into two groups: stressed and relaxed. Some people, like freshman Katie Berger, started out in a panic but have grown to love the school. “I get stressed with the giant crowds in the hallway and the [schedule] switch did create some anxiety,” Berger admitted, “But now that I have a routine I really enjoy it.”

These first responses worried me in the slightest. It seemed to me like I was taking the grunt of the worrying, at least among these three. Maybe I did just need to “chill” like my mother advised me to do. But truly, I am not alone. Lexi Novak, another freshman, shared her own worries about the school. “High school is a lot more stressful than middle school, and a lot different,” she said. “. . . There are higher expectations you don’t know how to meet right away, and the teachers are understanding, but after the first week it’s down to business and you’re now a high schooler with hours of homework.” I was a bit surprised to hear this, considering how laid-back and excitable Novak usually seems.
Overall, I think that that ties into the whole theme of this. High school is a big, scary, and completely different place. It may sound dramatic, but a kid’s life changes the second that they walk through the doors on their first day. They are met with new expectations, a whole new lifestyle. Unpredictable things can and will happen, their whole outlook on life, maybe their personality will even change. They might even find themselves drifting away from their best friend since sixth grade. Personally, I have found that I have grown significantly more introverted and mature in the past month. But that is all normal. It may be true that I am struggling a bit more with this transition than some of my friends, but I just have to know that it will get better. Everyone has been through this, even the “big and scary upperclassmen,” and even if it feels like I am the only one struggling I am not alone. There are other freshman who are having just as many difficulties. But things will not be this overwhelming and tiring forever. It might take a few more weeks, even months; but eventually I, as well as the other freshman, will get used to this change, and things will get easier.